You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize