So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Small penises have feelings too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
