I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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