Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
