he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.