"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.