is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
