I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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