remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
