Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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