its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
