this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
