I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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