Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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