you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
