One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
