I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
