my mouth tastes like poor choices
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
