maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
