I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
