I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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