It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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