Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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