fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.