I've blown a few things in my day
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.