Your dad touched me again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door