can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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