Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
