She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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