boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
