I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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