We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
