why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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