Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
