This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ttyl tear gas
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
