just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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