got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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