she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
