Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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