Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
