she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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3pm strippers are depressing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
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These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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