Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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