do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize