I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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