I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
