I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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