After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
