I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she pinky promised me she was 18
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
