you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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