Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Vodka?
Forever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
