I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Screwed.edu
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
