the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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