Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
