My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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