so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.