just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!