Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
