best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
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I got inside last night via doggy door
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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