Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
