return my video game
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
