I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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