I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize