Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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