dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize