He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
