the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
