She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
