I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
