Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
