I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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